The Song That Made Everyone Cry (In a Good Way)
I've been to more gay weddings than I can count, and I've learned that the right ceremony music can turn a lovely moment into an unforgettable one. The wrong music, on the other hand, can make everyone cringe. I remember one wedding where the couple walked down the aisle to a song that had the word "bride" in every other line, and while they laughed it off, I could see the flicker of hurt in their eyes. Music is emotional, and for LGBTQ+ couples, it can be especially loaded. The traditional wedding canon is full of gendered language and heteronormative assumptions. But there's a whole world of beautiful, inclusive music out there if you know where to look. This guide is my attempt to share what I've learned from over a decade of weddings, and from my own marriage to Carol. These are the ceremony music suggestions that actually work for same-sex couples — songs that are romantic, meaningful, and free of tired clichés. Because your ceremony music should tell your story, not someone else's. And with the right songs, it will. Let's find them together.
Why You Should Trust Me
My name is Dana Whitfield. I've been married to Carol since 2014, back when same-sex marriage had just become legal in California. I own a wedding rental company in Palm Springs, and I've spent over a decade working with couples to choose the music that will define their ceremony. I've heard every kind of processional, recessional, and unity ritual song imaginable, and I've learned which ones land and which ones fall flat. I've also lived it — when Carol and I got married, we agonized over our ceremony music, and we eventually chose songs that felt like us, not like a template. I'm not a music critic, and I'm not a DJ. I'm just someone who believes that the right song can make a moment sacred. If you're looking for ceremony music that reflects your love, this guide is for you. These are the songs I recommend, the ones I've seen work again and again, and the mistakes to avoid.
The Soundtrack Concept: Ceremony Music Is Your Relationship's Emotional Score
Here's a concept I've been sharing with couples for years, and I haven't seen it written anywhere else: your ceremony music is not background noise. It's the emotional score of your relationship. Think about the songs that have followed you through your love story — the one that was playing when you met, the one you danced to in the kitchen, the one that got you through a hard season. These aren't just "good wedding songs." They're the soundtrack of your life together. When you choose ceremony music, you're not just picking something that sounds pretty. You're choosing the emotional backdrop for the most important moment of your relationship. So don't settle for generic wedding music. Reach for the songs that mean something to you. The ones that make your heart beat a little faster when you hear them. That's the music that will make your ceremony feel like yours, not like a performance. And that's the music your guests will remember long after the last note fades. So before you open a playlist, sit down with your partner and make a list of the songs that tell your story. That list is the beginning of your ceremony music. Everything else is just filler.
If the link shows no results, use this backup search.
Ceremony Music by Moment: What to Play and When
Here's a breakdown of the key ceremony moments, with song suggestions that are inclusive, meaningful, and free of gendered language. These are starting points — adapt them to your own taste.
1. The Processional (Your Entrance)
This is the song that plays as you walk down the aisle. It should feel like an announcement — a song that says, "This is us, and we're here." Avoid the traditional "Here Comes the Bride" or anything with heavy gender coding. Instead, choose a song that is romantic, a little dramatic, and deeply personal. You can each choose a different song if you're entering separately, or pick one song to share if you're walking together. The key is that it should make your heart swell.
Song ideas: "Bloom" by The Paper Kites, "Holocene" by Bon Iver, "Can't Help Falling in Love" (the Kina Grannis version), "La Vie en Rose" by Édith Piaf, "First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes, or any acoustic love song that means something to you.
2. The Reading or Unity Ritual
If you're having a reading or a unity ritual, the music here should be gentle and supportive. It should create a quiet, intimate mood without distracting from the words or actions. Instrumental music works beautifully here. Think acoustic guitar, piano, or a soft string quartet. Avoid anything with lyrics that might compete with the reading.
Song ideas: "Clair de Lune" by Debussy, "River Flows in You" by Yiruma, "A Thousand Years" (instrumental), or any soft classical piece. If you want something more modern, the instrumental version of a favorite song can be perfect.
3. The Vows
This is the emotional heart of the ceremony. The music should be soft enough to allow your voices to be heard, but present enough to enhance the moment. Many couples choose to have no music during the vows, letting the silence and their words carry the weight. If you do want music, consider a gentle instrumental that reflects your relationship. It should be unobtrusive and deeply felt.
Song ideas: An instrumental version of "Your Song" by Elton John, "Moon River" (instrumental), or a piano arrangement of a song that holds special meaning for the two of you. The key is subtlety — the music should support your vows, not compete with them.
4. The Recessional (Your Exit as a Married Couple)
This is the celebration moment. The song should be joyful, upbeat, and impossible not to smile to. It's the first song you hear as a married couple, so make it count. Avoid anything slow or melancholy. This is your victory lap, and the music should reflect that. Carol and I walked back down the aisle to "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" by Stevie Wonder, and it was perfect.
Song ideas: "I'm Coming Out" by Diana Ross, "Love on Top" by Beyoncé, "This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)" by Natalie Cole, "Dancing Queen" by ABBA, or any upbeat song that makes you both grin. For more reception playlist ideas, check out our playlist guide.
How to Choose Music That Feels Inclusive and True
Choosing ceremony music as an LGBTQ+ couple comes with a few extra considerations. Here's what I've learned from helping dozens of couples navigate it:
- Check the lyrics. This seems obvious, but you'd be surprised how many popular love songs are filled with gendered language. "Here Comes the Bride" is the obvious one, but there are subtler examples. Take the time to read the lyrics, or at least listen closely, before you commit to a song. If it makes you wince, it's not the right choice.
- Consider pronouns. If a song has a specific "he" or "she" in the lyrics, think about whether it still works. Some couples are fine with it, especially if the song is otherwise meaningful. Others prefer songs that avoid gendered pronouns altogether. Instrumental music is always a safe choice. For more on inclusive language, read our terminology guide.
- Trust your gut. If a song makes you feel something, it's the right song. If it makes you feel like you're performing someone else's love story, it's not. Music is emotional, and your ceremony should feel like yours. Don't let anyone tell you that a certain song is "wrong" for a wedding. If it's right for you, it's right.
Mistakes to Avoid with Ceremony Music
- 🚩 Using a song with heavy gendered language out of habit. It's easy to default to traditional wedding songs, but they often carry assumptions that don't fit a same-sex wedding. Take the time to choose music that reflects your actual relationship, not a template.
- 🚩 Forgetting to test the music at the venue. Acoustics matter. A song that sounds great in your living room might be muddy in a large hall. If possible, do a sound check before the wedding. And always have a backup plan in case the audio fails. A simple phone with a speaker can save the day.
- 🚩 Making the music too loud or too soft. The music should support the ceremony, not overwhelm it. Work with your officiant or coordinator to set the right volume. And make sure the person controlling the music knows when to fade in and out. A sudden blast of music can startle your guests.
Your Ceremony Music Pre-Wedding Checklist
- ☑ You've chosen songs that feel true to your relationship
- ☑ Each key moment has a designated song (processional, vows, recessional)
- ☑ You've checked the lyrics for any gendered language that doesn't fit
- ☑ You've tested the music at the venue (or have a plan to do so)
- ☑ You've assigned a trusted person to manage the music on the day
- ☑ You have a backup plan in case of technical issues
- ☑ You feel genuinely excited to hear these songs at your ceremony
If all seven are checked, your ceremony music is ready. If not, go back and adjust. The right songs will make your ceremony feel sacred and completely yours. For more on the overall ceremony structure, read our ceremony outline template and our non-religious ceremony script.
Who This Guide Is NOT For
If you and your partner have already selected the perfect ceremony music and feel no need for suggestions, this guide might be more than you need. That's wonderful — trust your own taste. Also, if you're having a very casual elopement with no formal ceremony music, you can skip this entirely. But if you're planning a ceremony and want music that feels inclusive, meaningful, and true, this is for you. The suggestions here are just starting points. The best music is the music that tells your story. So listen widely, choose with your heart, and let the music carry you down the aisle. You deserve a soundtrack as beautiful as your love.
The Only Ceremony Music Rule That Matters
After a decade of weddings and my own marriage, the only rule that holds up is: if a song makes you feel like it was written for you, play it. It doesn't matter if it's classical, pop, or something obscure. It doesn't matter if it's instrumental or has lyrics. It just matters that when you hear it, you think, "Yes. This is us." So trust your instincts, choose the music that makes your heart swell, and let the ceremony be the soundtrack of your love story. That's the whole point. And when you hear that first note on your wedding day, I hope it feels like coming home. That's what the right music does. Now go find your songs, and then go get married. You've earned this.
Need budget music options? Check DHgate for lower-cost CDs. Shipping may take longer, but prices are often lower.
FAQ: Gay Wedding Ceremony Music Suggestions
Can I use instrumental versions of popular love songs to avoid gendered lyrics?
Absolutely, and it's a wonderful solution. Instrumental versions of your favorite songs give you the emotional resonance without the problematic pronouns. Many artists release instrumental or acoustic versions. You can also find piano or string covers on platforms like Spotify or YouTube. This is a great way to include a song that means something to you while keeping the ceremony fully inclusive. For more ideas, check out our wedding readings guide.
What are some good non-binary inclusive ceremony songs?
Look for songs that use gender-neutral language or no pronouns at all. Some examples include "Bloom" by The Paper Kites, "Holocene" by Bon Iver, and many instrumental pieces. You can also write your own lyrics to a favorite melody, or choose a song with abstract lyrics that focus on love rather than gender. The key is to pick something that feels true to you and your partner. For more on inclusive language, read our inclusive wording guide.
Do I need different songs for the processional and recessional?
Not necessarily. Some couples use the same song for both, or use different songs for each partner. The processional should be more romantic and anticipatory, while the recessional should be joyful and celebratory. Using two different songs can create a nice emotional arc. But there's no rule — do what feels right for you. For a full breakdown of ceremony structure, read our outline template.
Can I have live music at my gay wedding ceremony?
Yes, and it can be beautiful. A solo guitarist, violinist, or small string ensemble can add a deeply personal touch. Make sure the musicians are comfortable with your song choices and any inclusive requirements. If you're hiring live musicians, ask about their experience with LGBTQ+ weddings and confirm they can play the songs you want. For more on hiring vendors, read our vendor guide.
How do I handle family members who expect traditional wedding music?
This is your wedding, not theirs. You can honor their expectations in small ways — maybe include a classical piece that feels traditional — but ultimately, the music should reflect you. If they push back, you can say, "We chose music that feels true to our relationship, and we hope you can appreciate that." It's okay to set boundaries. For more on navigating family expectations, read our unsupportive parents guide.
Where to Go From Here
Now that you have your ceremony music sorted, your next step is to build your full ceremony outline or plan the reception playlist. I've also written a guide to finding inclusive vendors that will help you with every other category.
And if you want to see the actual ceremony music list from my own wedding, including the songs that made me cry, I've saved it in our research archive. Read the raw list here.