The Template That Broke My Heart a Little

When Robin and I got engaged, I was so excited to send out save the dates. I pictured our names on a beautiful card, maybe with a photo from the proposal. Then I opened a template, and the first line said: "Save the Date for the wedding of [Bride] and [Groom]." I stared at it. I refreshed the page. I even checked if there was a second template option. There wasn't. Just Bride and Groom, like two labels waiting to be filled. I closed the laptop and sat with that familiar ache — the one where the world keeps handing you a script that doesn't include you. I'm non-binary. Robin is a woman. Neither of us is a groom. And our save the date, the first thing our guests would see, was already misgendering us before they even opened the envelope. So I stopped using templates. I wrote my own wording, and then I rewrote it four times until it felt like us. This guide is what I learned. It's for couples who want their save the date to say, from the very first word, that this wedding is for everyone — especially the people getting married. Because your save the date is not just a card. It's your first hello to your guests. Make it one you're proud of.

Why You Should Trust Me

I'm Alex Rivera. My pronouns are they/them. I eloped in the desert in spring 2026 with my partner Robin, and I spent weeks perfecting our wedding wording so that no guest, no family member, and no vendor would ever have to ask "which one is the bride?" I'm not a stationery designer. I'm not a professional writer. I'm just a person who wanted to send a save the date that reflected who we actually are, not who the wedding industry thinks we should be. I tested dozens of templates, rewrote our save the date three times, and learned the exact phrases that work — and the ones that don't. I've also helped friends adapt their own wording for two-bride, two-groom, and non-binary weddings. This guide is the result. It's practical, it's specific, and it's written from the middle of the experience, not from above it. If you're tired of crossing out "bride" and "groom" on a template, you're in the right place.

The First Hello Concept: A Save the Date Is Your Opening Line

Here's a concept I came up with during my own save the date rewrite, and I haven't seen it articulated anywhere else: your save the date is not just a date on a card. It's the first hello you send to your guests as an engaged couple. It sets the tone for everything that follows. If it says "bride and groom," you're telling your guests that this is a traditional, binary wedding. If it says "Alex and Robin invite you to save the date," you're telling them something else entirely: that this wedding was built for two people, no labels required. That first sentence matters. It tells your non-binary friends they're welcome. It tells your queer family members they won't have to explain themselves. It tells everyone that this celebration is not a performance of gender — it's a gathering of people who love you. So when you write your save the date, don't just fill in the blanks. Write it like a greeting. Because that's what it is. It's your first hello to the people you love.

Five Inclusive Save the Date Wording Templates

Below are five fully written save the date templates, each designed for a different kind of couple. Change the names, dates, and details, and make them yours. The point is that none of them assume a gender.

Template A: The Simple, Warm Save the Date

Template B: The Elegant, Formal Save the Date

Template C: The Playful, Casual Save the Date

Template D: The Non-Binary Specific Save the Date

Template E: The "No Labels" Save the Date

These five cover a range of tones, from formal to playful. Pick the one that feels closest to your relationship, then edit until it sounds like you. For more on inclusive invitation wording, check out our invitation wording guide. And if you want a full ceremony script, our non-religious ceremony guide has you covered.

How to Personalize Your Save the Date Without Sounding Generic

The difference between a good save the date and a generic one is specificity. Here's how to make yours feel like yours:

• Include a photo that reflects you. A candid shot from your engagement, a photo from a favorite trip, or even a silly selfie. The photo says more than words. We used a photo of us in Joshua Tree, looking lost and happy. It was perfect.
• Mention the location if it's meaningful. "Palm Springs, where we first got lost together" is more personal than just "Palm Springs." If the location has a story, tell it briefly.
• Use your own voice. If you're playful, be playful. If you're formal, be formal. The save the date should sound like you, not like a template. Read it out loud. If it doesn't sound like something you'd actually say, rewrite it.
• Keep it short. A save the date is not an invitation. It's a heads-up. A few lines and the key details are all you need. For more on what to include, read our terminology guide.

Mistakes to Avoid with Save the Date Wording

• 🚩 Using a template with hardcoded "bride and groom" that you can't edit. If you can't change it, don't use it. There are plenty of platforms and designers who offer fully customizable options. For a list of inclusive platforms, read our registry guide — many of the same platforms offer stationery.
• 🚩 Forgetting to include pronouns if you or your partner use they/them. It's a small line, but it saves so much awkwardness. Your guests will appreciate it. Add it right after your names: "Alex (they/them) and Robin (she/her)."
• 🚩 Making the date or location hard to read. Use a clear font and a simple layout. The date and location should be the most prominent elements. If guests can't read it, they can't save it. For more design tips, read our modern decor guide.

Your Save the Date Pre-Send Checklist

• ☑ The wording is inclusive and doesn't assume gender
• ☑ Both partners' names are spelled correctly
• ☑ The date and location are clear and prominent
• ☑ If using pronouns, they are included for both partners
• ☑ The tone matches your relationship
• ☑ You've proofread it at least twice
• ☑ You feel genuinely happy when you look at it

If all seven are checked, your save the date is ready to send. For more on the overall invitation process, read our invitation guide. And for help with the actual wedding planning, start with our full checklist.

Who This Guide Is NOT For

If you and your partner both identify as straight and are comfortable with traditional save the date wording, this guide might feel unnecessary. That's completely fine. Also, if you're eloping with no guests, you might not need a save the date at all — just a phone call or text to the few people you're inviting. But if you're planning a wedding with guests, and you want your first hello to be as inclusive as your relationship, this is for you. The templates are just starting points. The real value is in the personalization. So make it yours, and send it with pride.

The Only Save the Date Rule That Matters

After rewriting our save the date three times, the only rule that holds up is: if the first line doesn't make you feel seen, rewrite it. This is your first hello. It should sound like you, not like a template with your name taped on. So take the time to get it right. Your guests will feel the care, and so will you. Now go write your save the date, and then go get married. You've earned this beautiful, inclusive celebration.

FAQ: LGBTQ+ Save the Date Wording

Where to Go From Here

Now that you have your save the date sorted, your next step is to design your formal invitation or start your full planning checklist. I've also written a guide to writing your ceremony script that pairs perfectly with your save the date.

And if you want to see the actual save the date drafts I considered, including the one where I accidentally wrote "bride and groom" out of habit and then cried, I've saved them in our research archive. Read the raw drafts here.