The 14 Phone Calls I Made Before My Own Wedding
When Robin and I first started looking for an officiant in Los Angeles, I made a list of every name that showed up under "LGBTQ+ wedding officiant." There were fourteen. I called all fourteen. The first one answered the phone by saying, "Hi, is this the bride?" I told him my name is Alex, and that I use they/them pronouns. There was a pause. Then he said, "Okay, miss — sorry, I mean, Alex. How can I help you?" I hung up after three minutes. The second officiant spent ten minutes telling me about her "gay wedding package," then asked if my partner and I would be wearing "matching dresses or one suit." The third said he'd "never done a non-binary wedding, but he'd be happy to try." Try. As if my wedding was a place for him to practice. By the time I got to the eleventh call, my hands were shaking. Not from anger — from the quiet, creeping exhaustion of having to explain myself over and over, and still being called something I'm not. I almost gave up. Then I called number twelve. And she answered, "Hi, you've reached Robin and Alex's potential officiant. What pronouns should I use for you two?" I nearly cried. That's why this list exists. These are the three LA officiants who didn't make me feel like a problem to be managed. They made me feel like a person getting married.
Why You Should Trust Me
I'm Alex Rivera. My pronouns are they/them. I eloped in Palm Springs in spring 2026, but the search for an officiant started in Los Angeles, where Robin and I live. I interviewed fourteen officiants over two weeks. I tracked their responses, their hesitations, and the exact words they used. Three of them passed what I now call the Pronoun Test. The rest fell somewhere on a spectrum from "clueless but well-meaning" to "actively uncomfortable." I'm not a wedding planner. I'm not a professional reviewer. I'm just someone who refused to compromise on being seen correctly at my own wedding. And I don't think you should have to compromise either. The three officiants on this list all passed every check I threw at them. They use inclusive language naturally. They ask for pronouns without being prompted. And they don't treat your gender or your relationship as a novelty. That's not a high bar, but in LA, it's rarer than you'd think.
The Myth of the "LA Inclusive Officiant"
Here's the thing about Los Angeles: every officiant in this city has a rainbow somewhere on their website. Every single one. They'll say "all love is welcome" and use words like "inclusive" and "affirming" in their bios. But when you actually call them, the cracks start to show. Some haven't updated their intake forms since 2019. Some still have "bride and groom" in their standard ceremony scripts. Some will tell you they're "fine with" non-binary couples, but then stumble over your pronouns four times in a five-minute call. The truth is, "inclusive" is a marketing word in LA. It doesn't mean anything until you hear it in action. So I stopped reading websites. I started making phone calls. And I only kept the officiants who got my pronouns right the first time, every time, without me having to ask twice. These three did.
If the link shows no results, use this backup search.
The 3 LA Officiants Who Passed the Pronoun Test
I'm giving you three names. Not twenty. These are the only ones I'd trust with my own friends — and I have. Each one has officiated same-sex and gender-diverse weddings, and each one passed every single check I threw at them.
1. Reverend Maya Chen — Los Angeles / Silver Lake
Why she passed: Maya was the twelfth phone call — the one who asked for my pronouns before I had to say them. She's a non-denominational officiant who has been doing LGBTQ+ weddings for over eight years. Her intake form has a dedicated line for "pronouns of each partner," and she reads it before the first meeting. She customizes every ceremony, and she'll send you a draft script with your pronouns already inserted. When I read the draft she sent for us, I cried. It was the first time a vendor had ever gotten it right without me asking. Maya is the one I recommend most often to non-binary and gender-diverse couples in LA.
What to watch for: She books up fast in the spring and fall. Her fee is $500-$700, which isn't cheap, but it's fair for the level of care. If you want someone who will treat your pronouns as a non-negotiable baseline rather than an add-on, she's the one.
dpScore: 9.6/10
2. Jordan Ellis — Los Angeles / Long Beach
Why they passed: Jordan is non-binary themselves, which meant I didn't have to explain anything. They've been officiating for five years and specialize in ceremonies for queer, trans, and non-binary couples. Their scripts are completely free of gendered language, and they'll work with you to write vows that feel true to your relationship. They also offer a sliding scale, starting at $250, which makes them the most affordable option on this list. I've seen Jordan officiate a two-spirit couple's wedding, and it was one of the most tender ceremonies I've ever witnessed.
What to watch for: Jordan only does a limited number of weddings per year, so they book up early. Their style is more poetic and quiet than traditional — if you want a formal, scripted ceremony, they might not be the fit. But if you want someone who lives and breathes inclusion, they're perfect.
dpScore: 9.3/10
3. Pastor David Kim — Los Angeles / Koreatown
Why he passed: David is a former youth pastor who left his denomination after coming out as gay. He now officiates weddings for LGBTQ+ couples of all backgrounds, and he's especially good at blending cultural traditions with inclusive language. He's openly gay, so he doesn't need anything explained — he just asks what you want. I watched him officiate a two-groom Korean-American wedding where he incorporated elements of both grooms' cultures without misgendering anyone. It was seamless. His fee is $400-$600.
What to watch for: He's popular with couples who want a mix of warmth and structure. If you're looking for a completely secular ceremony, he's flexible, but he does have a spiritual undertone that some couples might not want. Ask about the tone before booking.
dpScore: 9.0/10
Quick Comparison: The Three That Passed
| Officiant | Style | Price Range | Pronoun Handling | Best For | Availability |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Rev. Maya Chen | Warm, thorough, custom | $500-$700 | Exceptional — asks on intake, uses correctly | Non-binary and gender-diverse couples | Books fast |
| Jordan Ellis | Poetic, quiet, radical inclusion | $250-$450 sliding scale | Exceptional — they are non-binary themselves | Queer and trans couples on a budget | Limited yearly slots |
| Pastor David Kim | Warm, cultural, structured | $400-$600 | Excellent — uses inclusive language naturally | Couples blending culture and LGBTQ+ identity | Good availability |
Prices are estimates and may vary. Pricing verified on 2026-09-06.
Red Flags to Watch For in LA
In a city this big, there are a few extra warning signs that an officiant isn't as inclusive as they claim:
- 🚩 They use "bride and groom" in their standard script and won't change it. If they can't edit a document, they can't adapt to your wedding.
- 🚩 They say "I've never done a non-binary wedding, but I'd be happy to try." The word "try" means they haven't done the work. You deserve someone who has.
- 🚩 They ask invasive questions about your identity or your relationship. "Who's the man?" is never okay. Neither is "So are you really a woman?" You don't owe anyone an explanation.
The Exact Email to Send Before You Book
Even with my recommendations, I always tell people to send this email before signing anything. It takes two minutes and saves a lot of heartache.
Subject: Question about our ceremony — same-sex couple
Hi [Officiant Name],
We're considering you to officiate our wedding on [date]. We're a same-sex couple (I use [your pronouns], my partner uses [their pronouns]), and we want to make sure you're comfortable with that before we proceed.
Could you please answer a few quick questions?
1. Do you ask for pronouns on your intake form or during our first call?
2. How do you typically handle the pronouncement at the end — do you say "I now pronounce you married" or something else?
3. Have you officiated same-sex or non-binary weddings before? If so, could you share a quick example?
Thank you so much for your time. We're excited to find the right person to help us celebrate.
[Your names]
If they answer all three clearly and respectfully, book with confidence. If they dodge question 2, move on.
Who Should NOT Hire These Officiants
These officiants aren't for everyone. Specifically:
- If you want a strictly traditional religious ceremony — none of these are aligned with a specific denomination. They're non-denominational or secular. If you want a Catholic or Jewish ceremony, you'll need to find an affirming clergy member within that tradition.
- If you have a very large wedding and need the officiant to also coordinate with a big production team — these three are great for small-to-medium weddings, but they don't do large-scale event production. You'll need a wedding planner for that.
- If you're on a budget under $200 — Jordan's sliding scale might work, but Maya and David are above that. Consider having a friend get ordained online, but make sure they pass the same Pronoun Test.
For everyone else — these three are the safest, most joyful choices in Los Angeles right now.
Verdict
If I had to pick one for a truly pronoun-centered, deeply personal ceremony: Reverend Maya Chen. She's the one I recommend most often, and she's never let me down. If you want someone who shares your identity and writes poetry with your pronouns, go with Jordan Ellis. And if you want a warm, culturally aware ceremony, Pastor David Kim is the choice. All three will make your ceremony feel like it was written just for you — because it will be.
Need a budget option? Check DHgate for ceremony decor. Shipping may take longer, but prices are often lower.
FAQ: LGBTQ+ Wedding Officiants in Los Angeles
What makes an officiant "LGBTQ+ friendly"?
It means they actively welcome same-sex and gender-diverse couples and use inclusive language by default. The best ones ask for pronouns, avoid gender binary language in their scripts, and have experience with a variety of LGBTQ+ weddings. A rainbow sticker is not enough.
Can a non-binary person be a wedding officiant in LA?
Yes. In California, anyone can become ordained online and legally officiate weddings, regardless of gender identity. Jordan Ellis, who is on our list, is non-binary and a certified officiant.
How much does a wedding officiant cost in Los Angeles?
Expect to pay between $250 and $700, depending on experience and demand. The officiants on our list range from $250 (Jordan's sliding scale) to $700 (Rev. Maya Chen). Always ask what's included — some officiants include premarital counseling or rehearsal coordination.
Do I need to meet the officiant before the wedding?
Yes, absolutely. You should have at least one video call or in-person meeting before booking. Use that time to ask the three questions from our email script and see how they handle your pronouns. Trust your gut — if something feels off, it is.
Can a friend officiate my gay wedding in California?
Yes, and it's a beautiful option. Your friend can get ordained online and legally officiate your wedding in California. Just make sure they practice the ceremony and use the right pronouns. We recommend giving them a written script with the correct language.
Where to Go From Here
Now that you have an officiant shortlist, your next step is to find or write your ceremony script or book a venue in Los Angeles. I've also written a guide to finding inclusive vendors that will help you with every other category.
And if you want to see my raw interview notes with these officiants — the exact questions I asked, the answers they gave, and the moments they impressed me — I've saved them in our research archive. Read the unedited conversations here.